Wil Wheaton's Big San Diego Bookstore Bash

Today it was former actor Wil Wheaton (just kidding!). Actor / writer / blogger / self-described geek, Wil Wheaton. He's got a new book out, published by O'Reilly and Associates of all things, called Just a Geek.

Copies of the book in the store window (complete with glare and reflections of the parking lot.. oops)

Let's put it this way. Wil was late for his own show. As in very late.

About 25 people were seated in the folding chairs when I got there ten minutes before the 1:30 event.

1:25pm One of the store clerks announced that Wil had just called from his cell phone, and was stuck in traffic on I-5. "He says he's five miles north of Oceanside, moving along at a blistering 35 mph."

It was going to be a long wait. (For those outside of San Diego: "five miles north of I-5" on a Saturday in summertime in San Diego means a huge amount of traffic.) Nothing else to do but start taking notes.

It was a typical Mysterious Galaxy crowd -- average age probably in the 40s or higher. One guy was holding several books high in one hand as he walked around the store looking at more books. Receding hairline, but long ponytail as if in defiance. His black t-shirt was emblazoned with bright orange words on front: BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL. I'm guessing he's in I.T.

"Want to start a pile?" one of the store clerks , trying to be helpful, asks from behind the counter. "Normally I do, " says Bastard, "One more book and I'll start that pile." He continues roaming through the store. The store must love customers like him.

"One of the advantages of a thirty odd six," a voice uttered behind me, "is if you get close to the target that's all you need, you don't need to aim, there's nothing left!" Two men were talking about guns.

"Big Sculpture Is On Its Way to LA," a headline announced in the newspaper the person seated in front of me was reading. The chairs were so close together you couldn't help see what others were reading. This guy kept underlining words and phrases in the article. Each time he made a new underline, he would take his left hand and scratch his head momentarily. Then he would underline another word or phrase. Then he would scratch his head. Underline. Scratch. Underline. Scratch.

I wished Wil Wheaton would get here so I could get home and back to work.

"You don't buy food, you don't buy shelter, you buy books!" someone behind me said, amid laughter. Another ideal bookstore customer.

"I put the Olympics on and turn the sound down all the way, then I put music on." It was the thirty-odd-six guy. "That's how I listen to all sports shows."

The Bastard Operator from Hell bought a pile of books, enough to fill a large shopping bag. Then he walked towards the seated crowd, noted that there were no seats left, and wandered away again.

2:00pm. Thirty minutes after the event was supposed to begin, there were about 45 people in the store.

"He's in Encinitas!" a store clerk announced. Wil had phoned in again. "We're assuming another 25 minutes." She suggested we all stand up, stretch, and walk around the store (i.e., BUY BOOKS, PEOPLE!).

"People say Unix isn't user-friendly," someone uttered from the middle of the seated crowd. "Thing is, it is friendly. It's just particular who it's friends with."

2:21pm. "Everybody rise up and stretch!" A store clerk waved her arms to signal "get up." She then wanted everyone to start singing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game."

The audience wasn't interested. (I was thinking, let's sing, "We Gotta Get Out of This Place, if it's The Last Thing We Ever Do...")

2:25pm. A red blur. Wil Wheaton is in da house. He is running. And he has to go to the bathroom REALLY BAD. So PLEASE. GET OUT OF THE WAY. He hugs one of the store clerk ladies, then gives her a look like, "I can't talk -- I gotta GO!" and he dashes into the back of the store.

"It's not flushing right, be careful!" some woman shouts out.

A minute later, he comes back out. Marches up to the podium. Showtime!

Wil Wheaton is small. I mean, smaller than I imagined he would be. I guess this is a normal reaction to seeing people in person who you've only seen prior on TV. He kind of looks like Ensign Crusher. Still.

"Hi," he says. "I'm a Wil Wheaton and I'm a mess."

Someone in the front row suggested it was time for twelve Guinesses.

"Twelve Guinesses, and the DESTRUCTION OF SEVEN THOUSAND CARS!" he shouted.

He thanked us all for waiting for him. "I wouldn't wait an hour for me!" The audience laughed. He was determined to give the patient audience a performance they would be glad they waited for. "I'M SOOOO NOT GONNA SUCK!" he announced.

"I wish I could blame it on that I was out drinking with hookers last night," he said. Nothing that glamorous. He explained that normally he comes to San Diego on the train. This time he and his wife decided, hey, a train takes 3 hours, and the car takes only two. Let's do the car! Oops. Bad decision. He explained how his wife had to hear "GOD DAMN IT!" over and over again the whole drive down.

[Idea: it is 2004. For crying out loud. Why can't you sign on somewhere, or call up somewhere, and say, I need to get to San Diego. I'm in LA. What's the best way of getting there, right now? And the service, which updates in real time, tells you, "really bad backup on I-5. Estimated drive time: 4 hours. Take the train." Cmon, why don't we have such a service?]

"I'd like to read to you," he says. He's holding a copy of Just a Geek -- a special copy. He's keeping track of the places he visits on this book tour, and inscribing his itinerary in the front of the book. "Chapter One, Page Three," he announces. And then he starts reading.

Of all the authors I've come across in the book-author events I've been going to in the past few years, Wil Wheaton is by far the best reader of his own material. He's really good. Five years of acting school have paid off. He's passionate. He's a ham. He's loud, he's funny, he knows his stuff: he could read the material blindfolded. And he has a quick comedian's wit, interjecting funny behind-the-scenes commentary here and there. Some quotes:

• "I'm very jealous of the actors on Enterprise -- their uniforms are very comfortable"

• "This was the first time I got to wear pointy sideburns. It was really cool!"

• A lament about Generation X: "We spend so much time looking back at the closed doors behind us, we miss out on the open doors ahead."

• "I'm a degenerate gambler and poker player."

• On the subject of acting, and his constantly trying out for auditions, only to be turned away, typecast as Ensign Crusher: "I'm so intimidated by the Globe Theatre. I'm now 32, almost old enough to do Death of a Salesman!"

He spent most of his time reading directly from his book, and he sold me on getting a copy (although I didn't buy one today... no time to read it right now). I didn't take notes as he read from the book --- he was that good, and it's all in there.

At one point one of the store clerks handed him a supersized soda from the McDonalds next door. Unlike with Bruce Sterling (who received the same size soda when he appeared here at Mysterious Galaxy), Wil Wheaton drank a huge gulp of the drink as if he'd just come in from forty days and forty nights in the desert.

I don't know what it is about the clerks at the Mysterious Galaxy store. Here are the four of them behind the counter, which is situated directly behind the podium where authors speak. In other words, the audience is facing not only the author, but the storekeepers behind the counter.

As I said, this is my third author event at Mysterious Galaxy. All three times, I've noticed that the people behind the counter just sit there, looking miserable. They never laugh when the author makes a joke. I never saw them smile. They just sit there, waiting, looking as if they can't wait to shut the store down for the day and go home.

During the brief question-and-answer session, someone asked him about his first book, Dancing Barefoot. Interestingly, he said he self-published it, and did the fulfillment out of his home, which he jokingly termed a "Dickensian workhouse." "Best reason to have kids: cheap labor! My lawn has never looked so good!"

I asked him, "How did you convince O'Reilly and Associates to publish your book? I mean, they're mainly known as being a technical and programmer's reference manual publishing company."

He recounted an interesting story of how he was giving a talk about Dancing Barefoot at Powells, the gigantic bookstore in Portland, Oregon, and during the book-signing afterwards, who shows up to have his book signed but The Man Himself.

"Hi, I'm Tim O'Reilly," Wil recalled Tim saying, adding, "I was.... AAAAAAAAAAGGGH!" A "we're not worthy" moment for Mr. Wheaton, apparently.

Tim "demanded that I let him buy" a copy of the book, Wil said. He then heard from an editor. Tim had loved it --- he was "blown away" by the book, really impressed with the crowd that turned out to see him speak at Powells, and told him he'd publish anything he'd like to write. Originally, the idea was a how-to book on web design. The result is an autobiography, Just a Geek.

Someone then asked him about the odd classification code on the back cover of Just a Geek: "Science Fiction / Biography". Wheaton confessed that was a subject of much debate with his publisher. The reasoning is something like this: the trekkies would expect a Wil Wheaton book to be in sci-fi, even if the Wil Wheaton book has to do with economics or the lastest research on endoplasmic reticulums. He wanted the book in biography. In the end he had to settle on what may be a first: "Science Fiction / Biography." "They say that Biography is where books go to die," he quipped. But he prefers his book there. He confessed he's gone into Barnes & Nobles and moved copies of his book over to Biography...

One final shot: as Wheaton finished his talk, the store cleared everyone out --- made everybody leave! --- so they could rearrange the store for a book-signing. Everyone filed out and stood in line, all of them having numbered tickets determining the order in which their books would be signed. And yes, if you look at the photo above, at the far left at the front of the line, just walking into the store, is none other than the Bastard Operator from Hell.

I didn't buy a book, didn't have a ticket, so I didn't stick around in line. I plan to get the book later. And I plan to read WilWheaton.net more regularly.

Wil's got a big screen role ahead of him. Just a matter of time. Until then, he's just a geek...