Out-Powering Austin Powers

There's a notorious lowball comedy scene early on in the original Austin Powers film where Powers has been thawed out of a deep freeze after some 30 years in suspended animation, and the first thing he has to do is, well, pee. And the comedy of the scene is that he goes, and goes, and goes, and, well, you get the idea. Mike Myers said they wanted to make it the longest such scene in movie history -- just when you thought it couldn't go on any longer, it goes on for another half minute or so.

Ever since Jesse started taking the diuretics and other medications, he's been out-Powering Austin Powers. Jesse historically is the kind of mellow mild-mannered dog who partakes in one meal around 5pm each day, and drinks a little water each day, and that's it. He's been that way his whole life. Until this week.

Now, he goes through 2-3 bowls of water a day and 1-2 cans of the prescription dog food per day. And he has to relieve himself outside every four hours or so, all day and all night long. After he's done peeing in one marathon session, he'll cross the driveway, find another piece of shrubbery, and open the floodgates again for another 30 remarkable seconds. Then, on to another plant or bush, and the floodgates are open yet again. It's like he's able to unload at least a gallon of liquid every time we take him out. We've asked the vet, "are you sure this is normal???" and the vet says oh yes, no problem, perfectly normal, etc etc.

Wait a sec -- he just barked. A single "woof!" as in, "hey!" He wants to go back out.

(10 mins later)

I'm back. I put his leash on, took him to the front door, opened it, and he pulled me out, right into the bushes where he lunged head-first and then, well, irrigated the plants, Austin Powers-style. When he was finally done there, he backed up, then pulled me to another spot, did another Austin Powers performance, then went to the edge of the driveway, looked around the cul-de-sac and up the street, contemplated the universe, and then found another place to do one more Austin Powers performance for good measure. Then, done with his business, he pulled me back to the front door, into the house, and, continuing to pull, right into the kitchen where he walked to the water bowl, stopped, turned to look up to me, and said, with his silent expression, "um, water, please." (Ok, I admit it. There was no "please.") I dutifully refilled his dish and he gobbled half of it down, and went back to his couch.

He's good until midnight, maybe two a.m.

Posted by brian at December 17, 2004 08:51 PM